Monday, April 10, 2006

//SABBATH #8 - 24 November 2005//

Obviously it's been quite awhile since I've written in this record. Probably I'd say 2 or 3 weeks sadly. I had a feeling I would eventually do poor in keeping up with this journal. But there's some driving impetus towards keeping it alive -- it's my personal Acts. It is my record of what You have done and taught me. That being said, the last three weeks have gone off and on. I won't attempt to describe them because any such description would be horribly inept. I am in New Braunfels late in the evening. By the bank of the Comal, normal queer and unnatural aquamarine lapping...I sit on that small concrete slab by that useless boat tie and abandoned ramp. It was lovely this year to realize that Grandma's red oak in the yard has grown healthy and tall, the leaves a brilliant crimson.

A very cool blessing the LORD provided came through my meeting with Bryan Tabor last week. The week before I had challenged Bryan to read in the Word because though Bryan grew up in a Christian home, he had never really read the Bible on his own. So, I challenged him to try and read the Word at least once every other day, not really expecting much. When I talk to Bryan a lot of times there's not a huge emotional response -- he's sort of 'hard to read' at times. But against all my expectations, Bryan had read every single day! And he was excited about it! Of all things, I was having a very terrible week spiritually and I deserved that blessing least of all [of course, how often do we 'deserve blessings'?] but sure enough! It was amazing! It threw me off! You are amazing, LORD! I pray You will continue that good work in Bryan; it seems that despite my being a very lacking vessel, You've still managed to speak to him through me.

I 'm having a very hard time reconstructing the timeline of the last few weeks in my head [that's why ideally I write every week]. I know that about three weeks ago my workload for school dropped off substantially. Such a change obviously brought shockwaves to my universe. That first week was a good week in purity and even just in managing my time. Though something that should have served as a warning sign was the fact that despite this freeing of my time, I still did not seek hard after the LORD as I had aimed. It was a dry cause based on my own efforts; I was trying to overcome physical sickness, thus it was logical to drop impurity or pornography or various demons because I wished to get physically well again. There's no saving face -- it was a deeply and solely selfish motive ['for my own good']. Needless to say, those efforts amounted to nothing the next week and I fell harder than I had the rest of the semester. Life has felt mostly like spiritual backsliding since then. I am a miserable creature torn between chasing after my own desires and those of a higher calling [my Master's]. It is with much sadness that I say I have followed my own for much of the past few weeks.

Having said that, homegroup has been very good the past few weeks. Following in the wake of David's speech on guy/girl relationships at SCW, Nick did a follow-up teaching on such relationships at homegroup. We then went on to write growth-needs specific to the guys and girls and continued that discussion into last week...and honestly such talks of unity and loving one another have seemed to foster a real change in the homegroup. Where once we had small, simmering tensions between individuals, now it seems as though we are moving towards what Unity is supposed to look like. The trip to Surfside was taken directly following that talk on love for one another and was, I must say, one of the best trips I've gone on to Surfside. In truth, they've all been good, but I particularly enjoyed this one. Jeff, Michelle, Ben, Desire, Linda and I went. It was hilarious taking two hours to set up the tent that night. We set it up once; the wind blew it over. We set it up again; the wind wouldn't give. We finally had to anchor it to the cars we brought. 20 mph winds [or maybe?]! I've never seen that hard a wind at Surfside! But oh the beauty of the next day! We just went swimming and body surfing in the waves, and those waves were gorgeous!

Another blessing came with my friend Gus finally coming to homegroup two weeks ago. I had been inviting him since the second week of school! Then, Michelle's friend Brittany [a freshmen as well] came last week and visited [she seemed to enjoy herself]. It was just very cool to see people inviting again after not seeing anyone new for a long time. You answered that prayer [which I literally had been praying during those two weeks] quite visibly. In short, I have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and have not even come close to naming all of the past few weeks' blessings off. You are such a good God. Even my reading in 2 Kings about Elisha's ministry and the many miracles You continued to work among Your people despite their straying from You. Just Your goodness, LORD. Let this break be a real return to You. In times of seeing close friends backslide like I never could have foreseen, I must cling to You, O LORD. Let me cling to You. Amen.


Blogger vtheaggie said...

after reading some of your reflections I found that my heart was beating faster & almost swelling from the encouragement found in your words. thank you

7:36 AM  

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